Insights From Reddit’s Pre-Wedding Red Flags Study

In Michigan family law, we often work with clients who say the warning signs were there long before their wedding day. A recent study analyzing Reddit posts about pre-wedding doubts confirms what many divorce attorneys have seen firsthand: hesitation before marriage is often rooted in serious relationship issues—not just fleeting cold feet. At Boroja, Bernier & Associates, we believe one of the best ways to prevent a painful and costly divorce is to recognize the red flags early, before the legal ties and financial entanglements of marriage make things more complicated.

The study, conducted by researchers at the University of Missouri and published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, reviewed online confessions from people questioning their engagements. From emotional neglect and poor communication to abuse and financial deception, these concerns closely mirror the cases we see in divorce courts across Oakland and Macomb counties. Unfortunately, many couples go through with the marriage out of embarrassment, financial pressure, or social expectations—only to end up in court later.

Michigan law recognizes “no-fault” divorce under MCL 552.6, meaning you don’t need to prove wrongdoing to end a marriage. However, once married, property division, spousal support, custody, and other obligations come into play. The earlier a couple recognizes incompatibility or red flags, the easier it is to walk away without the high legal and emotional cost of a contested divorce. The insight here is simple: you’re not obligated to proceed with marriage just because the invitations are out.

The Legal Risks Of Ignoring Red Flags

Many of the Reddit posters described behaviors that would have serious implications under Michigan divorce law. For example, one post described a fiancé becoming physically aggressive after drinking—behavior that may later support a claim for sole legal custody under MCL 722.23, which prioritizes the best interests of the child and takes domestic violence into account. Another poster mentioned being verbally abused and demeaned—conduct that, once married, may form the basis for emotional distress claims or be relevant to spousal support determinations under MCL 552.23.

We’ve seen cases where one spouse covered up major debt or hid assets before marriage. Under Michigan law, all marital assets—anything acquired during the marriage—must be equitably divided. But when one partner begins a marriage with deceit, it often leads to complex litigation and accusations of fraud. These situations can be avoided entirely if concerns are addressed during the engagement period rather than brushed aside.

Why It’s Harder To Leave Once You’re Married

In our practice, clients often say they ignored gut feelings during their engagement because the wedding was already planned. The Reddit study called this “wedding momentum.” But we’ve learned that ignoring red flags almost always leads to deeper regret. Once married, your legal relationship affects everything from your taxes and credit to real estate ownership and retirement accounts.

Ending a marriage in Michigan involves filing for divorce in circuit court, often leading to months of legal proceedings. The court may issue orders regarding parenting time, alimony, and the division of everything from pensions to pets. Michigan doesn’t allow annulments just because you changed your mind. Once you’re married, you’re bound by legal obligations unless one party can prove a legal ground for annulment, such as incapacity or fraud under MCL 552.3.

The study’s Reddit posters often justified staying with their partner due to investments already made—financial, emotional, or both. However, as one commenter noted, the cost of a wedding pales in comparison to the cost of divorce. At Boroja, Bernier & Associates, we’ve represented clients whose legal fees and emotional toll far exceeded what it would have cost to cancel a wedding.

How To Protect Yourself Before Marriage

We always recommend couples take their time before marriage—especially if doubts exist. Consider premarital counseling or legal consultations. In Michigan, prenuptial agreements are enforceable under MCL 557.28, provided they are entered into voluntarily, fairly, and with full disclosure. A prenup can protect personal assets, clarify debt responsibilities, and address spousal support issues before problems arise.

If you’re engaged and experiencing ongoing concern about your partner’s behavior—substance abuse, financial secrecy, verbal aggression—it’s a sign to pause. This isn’t just about feelings; it’s about protecting your future. Marriage is a legal contract, and Michigan law doesn’t undo it without significant cost and complication.

Why Anonymous Voices Sometimes Offer The Clearest Advice

The Reddit study highlighted why people turn to strangers instead of loved ones when questioning their relationships. They want honest feedback without judgment. In a law office, we provide that same clarity—with the legal backing to explain how each issue could impact your future. You’re not alone in wondering whether to move forward. But you do have the right to make a clear-eyed decision with all the facts in hand.

At Boroja, Bernier & Associates, we believe the best marriage is one entered with full knowledge—and the best divorce is the one you never have to experience because you made the right decision ahead of time.

Michigan Divorce Frequently Asked Questions

What Should I Do If I’m Having Serious Doubts Before My Wedding?

If you’re experiencing persistent doubts, take them seriously. Don’t ignore your instincts because of social pressure or financial commitments. Talking to a therapist or attorney can help you assess whether the issues are temporary or signs of deeper incompatibility. You can also cancel or postpone a wedding without legal consequences if you’re not yet married. It’s far easier—and cheaper—to walk away before marriage than to go through a contested divorce later.

Can A Prenuptial Agreement Help If I’m Worried About My Partner’s Finances?

Yes. In Michigan, prenuptial agreements are enforceable and can address how assets, debts, and spousal support will be handled if the marriage ends. If your partner has financial habits or secrets that concern you, a prenup can provide legal protection. However, it must be signed voluntarily, with full disclosure by both parties and ideally reviewed by separate attorneys to avoid enforceability issues.

What Legal Grounds Are Required To Divorce In Michigan?

Michigan is a no-fault divorce state under MCL 552.6. That means one spouse only needs to state that the marriage has broken down with no reasonable chance of reconciliation. You do not need to prove abuse, adultery, or abandonment. However, behavior such as domestic violence or financial misconduct can still influence custody or property division outcomes.

Can I Cancel A Wedding Without Legal Penalties?

Yes. If you’re not legally married yet, canceling a wedding has no legal consequence. You may lose deposits or face social backlash, but you will not be subject to the financial and legal obligations that come with marriage. It’s important to know that no court can force you to marry once you’ve changed your mind.

Does Michigan Law Allow Annulment Instead Of Divorce?

Annulments in Michigan are rare and only allowed under specific conditions like fraud, underage marriage without consent, mental incapacity, or bigamy, as outlined in MCL 552.3. Simply realizing you made a mistake after the wedding does not qualify. Most couples must file for divorce, even after a short marriage.

Is Domestic Violence Before Marriage A Warning Sign Legally?

Absolutely. If your partner has shown aggressive or violent behavior, take it seriously. Domestic violence can be used to support sole custody claims or protective orders after marriage. It’s better to act now than wait until you’re legally tied to someone who could harm you or your children.

Do I Have To File Anything If I Call Off An Engagement?

No legal filings are required to call off an engagement in Michigan. If you have joint property or shared financial accounts, you may want to meet with an attorney to separate your interests. However, engagements are not legally binding contracts, and ending one does not require court action.

Contact Boroja, Bernier & Associates For Exceptional Legal Advice & Guidance

At Boroja, Bernier & Associates, we’ve helped countless clients in Troy, Shelby Township, and across Oakland and Macomb counties make informed decisions about their relationships. If you need legal guidance, call the Shelby Township divorce attorney at Boroja, Bernier & Associates by calling 586-991-7611 to schedule a consultation. Our offices in Troy and Shelby Township are ready to assist clients throughout Oakland County and Macomb County. Let us help you make the right decisions with clarity and confidence.