One parent relocated for a job. The other stayed behind with the kids. Now they’re separated by 800 miles, and both are wondering: Can this actually work?

The honest answer: It won’t work “really well.” But it can work, if you’re willing to get creative, commit to consistency, and stop expecting something different than what long-distance parenting actually is.

In over a decade of family law practice serving families throughout Southeast Michigan, Boroja, Bernier & Associates has represented dozens of parents navigating long-distance arrangements. We’ve seen what succeeds and what fails. And the difference isn’t romantic. It’s not about love conquering distance. It’s about logistics, money, technology, and, most importantly, understanding what your child actually needs at their age.

Here’s what actually works.

The Reality Check: What Success Actually Looks Like

Let’s start with the hardest truth: Success in long-distance parenting means maintaining a meaningful bond. It doesn’t mean the relationship will be as strong as if you lived in the same city.

This isn’t failure. It’s reality.

A parent who relocates and commits to consistent, intentional parenting across distance can absolutely maintain a strong relationship with their child. But it requires accepting that the relationship will be different – shaped by technology, scheduled visits, and the constraints of distance.

The parents who struggle are the ones who expect long-distance parenting to feel “normal.” They think frequent video calls will replace daily presence. They assume their child will want to spend entire summers away from their friends and home. They underestimate the logistics and overestimate the romance of “meaningful time together.”

When you accept that long-distance parenting is a specific challenge requiring specific solutions, not a watered-down version of normal parenting, you can actually make it work.

The Biggest Mistake Parents Make: Ignoring Your Child’s Age and Preferences

Here’s what we hear repeatedly from parents: “I’m planning to have the kids spend the whole summer with me.”

Sounds great. Until your 14-year-old doesn’t want to go.

Parents often assume children will be excited about extended time in a different state. What they don’t factor in: at 13 or 14, your child has a life. Friends. Activities. Routines. A soccer league. A summer job. A boyfriend or girlfriend. Their entire social world.

Taking them away from all of that for an entire summer isn’t a gift, it’s a sacrifice. And as children get older, they increasingly resent it.

This is the hard part: Your needs as a parent and your child’s needs as a teenager aren’t automatically aligned. You want that full summer. Your 14-year-old wants to stay with their friends.

Michigan courts consider a child’s reasonable preference as one of the 12 best-interest factors under MCL 722.23 – and the older the child, the more weight that preference carries. A court won’t force a resistant teenager onto a plane for eight weeks if the child has articulated a thoughtful preference to stay closer to home.

The parents who maintain strong long-distance relationships accept this. They adjust. Instead of insisting on full summers, they negotiate shorter, strategically timed visits: spring break, winter break, maybe 2-3 weeks in summer (not 8). They add long weekends. They prioritize consistency over duration.

Your child is more likely to look forward to a predictable monthly weekend than to dread an entire summer away from home.

What Actually Works: The Formula

Block Parenting Time Agreements

Structure your parenting time around natural breaks:

• Summer break (2–4 weeks, depending on your child’s age and preferences)
• Winter break (2 weeks around holidays)
• Spring break (1 week)
• Long weekends (if feasible with travel distance)
• Your birthday + their birthday (prioritized visit times)

Why this works: Kids can plan around it. Schedules are predictable. There’s less disruption to their home life.

What fails: Vague “flexible” schedules. “We’ll figure it out each month.” Lack of clarity leads to missed visits, resentment, and broken plans.

Weekly Contact, At Least Three Times Per Week

This is non-negotiable. Between visits, you need regular contact:

• Video calls (not just texting) – scheduled, reliable, consistent times
• Phone calls – genuine conversation, not just logistics
• Texting/messaging – for daily check-ins and connection

Why three times per week minimum? It keeps the relationship alive between visits. It shows your child you’re present and engaged, even across distance. Sporadic contact creates sporadic relationships.

What fails: Parents who contact only when they want something. Parents who go weeks without reaching out, then expect the child to be excited about a visit. Parents who rely solely on texting instead of real conversation.

The Relocating Parent Typically Bears Travel Costs

This is the standard in Michigan practice, though agreements vary. The parent who chose to move typically bears the cost of bringing the child to visit. This is fair, you made the choice that created the distance.

But here’s the pitfall: You didn’t budget for travel. A parent relocating for a “great job” discovers that flights for two kids every other month cost $2,000-$3,000. The job salary doesn’t account for it. Suddenly, the move that was supposed to improve your life is creating financial stress.

Solution: Calculate travel costs before you relocate. Build it into your budget. Talk to your attorney about structuring support to account for travel expenses. Some parents agree to split costs or arrange ground transportation when possible.

What fails: Assuming you’ll “figure out” travel. Expecting the other parent to pay. Making promises about frequency you can’t afford to keep.

The Coordination Nightmare (And How to Solve It)

Long-distance parenting involves constant scheduling challenges. Your child has a soccer tournament the week of your planned visit. The custodial parent has a family event they forgot to mention. Your flight gets cancelled. Your child gets sick.

This is where the biggest resentment builds. Parents feel like they’re begging for time. The custodial parent feels pressured. The child gets caught in the middle.

Solution: A detailed parenting time order that specifies:

• Exact dates for each block (e.g., “From 5:00 PM on June 10 until 5:00 PM on June 24”)
• Minimum notice requirements (e.g., “The relocating parent must provide notice of travel plans 30 days in advance”)
• Makeup provisions (e.g., “If a visit is cancelled due to the child’s illness, the parent gets a makeup weekend within 60 days”)
• Flexibility parameters (e.g., “The custodial parent will make reasonable efforts to accommodate schedule requests with 30 days’ notice”)
• Communication protocol (e.g., “The non-custodial parent may call or FaceTime three times per week at scheduled times”)

Why this works: Clarity prevents conflict. Both parents know what to expect. There’s less room for misunderstanding or resentment.

What fails: Vague agreements like “summers” or “school breaks.” No notice requirements, leading to constant scheduling stress. No makeup provisions, leaving the long-distance parent perpetually behind on visits.

In our experience representing parents navigating long-distance custody arrangements at Boroja, Bernier & Associates, the most common regret we hear is: “I wish my order had been more specific.” Vague parenting time language doesn’t create flexibility – it creates conflict. The more detailed your plan, the less you’ll fight about it.

Technology Is Your Lifeline

Regular video contact is essential. Not optional. Essential.

What works:

• Scheduled FaceTime/Zoom calls at the same time each week (Tuesday and Thursday at 6:00 PM, Saturday morning)
• Shared family photos and updates
• Gaming together (if your child is into gaming)
• Watching movies “together” while on video call
• Genuine conversation about their life, their friends, their challenges

Technology can’t replace being there. But it can keep your relationship alive and strong between visits.

What fails: “I’ll call whenever” – which usually means you don’t call consistently. Texting-only contact. Parents who are “too busy” during scheduled call times. Parents who only reach out when there’s a problem.

The Hard Conversations You Need to Have

Before you agree to long-distance parenting, have these conversations:

• With Your Child (Age-Appropriate): “Here’s how often we’ll see each other in person.” “Here’s how we’ll stay connected between visits.” “Your opinions about visits matter – let’s talk about what works for you.” “Moving doesn’t mean I love you less, but it does mean things are different.”

• With the Other Parent: “Here’s the travel plan and who’s paying.” “Here’s the communication schedule.” “Here’s what happens if plans change.” “What are your concerns about this arrangement?”

• With Yourself: “Can I afford the travel costs?” “Am I willing to commit to three-plus contacts per week, every week?” “Can I accept that this won’t be ‘normal’ parenting?” “Am I doing this for me or for my child?”

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

• Underfunding travel costs. You promised monthly visits but can only afford three per year. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

• Inconsistent contact. Your child never knows when you’ll call. The relationship erodes slowly – then all at once.

• Expecting extended time with older kids who don’t want it. Your 15-year-old misses their friends. The visit becomes resentment-building, not relationship-strengthening.

• No backup plan. Flight cancelled? Work conflict? What’s the makeup plan? Without clarity, visits get missed and never get recovered.

• Putting the burden on your child to “maintain the relationship.” The long-distance parent must drive this. You can’t expect your child to reach out, plan visits, or manage the logistics. That’s your job.

The Bottom Line

Long-distance parenting works when you:

• Accept it’s different, not worse
• Get specific with block parenting time and contact schedules
• Prioritize consistency over duration
• Budget for travel realistically
• Use technology intentionally
• Listen to your child’s preferences – especially as they age
• Do the work of staying connected even when it’s inconvenient

This won’t be the relationship you’d have if you lived 10 miles apart. But it can be strong, meaningful, and real.

It just requires intention, honesty, and a commitment to showing up, even from a distance.

Frequently Asked Questions About Long-Distance Parenting in Michigan

Make Your Long-Distance Parenting Plan Enforceable

Don’t wing this. Get it in writing, in your custody order or a detailed parenting time agreement.

At Boroja, Bernier & Associates, we help parents throughout Southeast Michigan structure long-distance parenting arrangements that actually work. Whether you’re the parent relocating and need to build a plan, or you’re the staying parent trying to protect reasonable contact, we’ll help you create something specific, fair, and sustainable.

To schedule a consultation with the Michigan family law attorneys at Boroja, Bernier & Associates, call (586) 991-7611.

With our main office in Shelby Township and additional offices in Troy, Ann Arbor, and Lansing, we serve families in Macomb County, Oakland County, Wayne County, and throughout Southeast Michigan, Central Michigan, and Mid-Michigan.

Long-distance parenting is hard. But with the right plan, and the right legal framework behind it, you can maintain a meaningful relationship with your child, even across distance.